Rock Stars and the Boulevard of Broken Dreams

It's odd. I'm in his house right now. And I wonder, will we come here again? Can this sustain miles of open road, littered with fights and bad choices? Can she and I survive in a place so large I feel swallowed up by the very thought of it? My time is running out, moments are fleeting as we speak and I know somewhere in this house, in a room not too far from where I am, she sees him. Another side of him that no one else sees and all I want is for her to be happy. And he seems so nice, like he always is, welcoming us in like our very own homes. His house smells like houses tend to smell. I fear, I do not want to steal the souls of the objects his money bought. I do not wish to invade his privacy like some baboon... I just wish that for her, I could steal these pieces so she would always remember just how beautiful she is... that she is beautiful enough for a lovely rock star, one who calls her friends heartbreakers... one who hugs you like you're his sister even though you're not. I pray that this will work... I pray he is the one and that things will fall together perfectly. I can only hope that God has something marvelous planned for my dear sweet George.

Bleach filler episodes are a bitch. The only thing episode 134 managed to accomplish was making me want some cake. Fuckers.

Not only do the fillers just plain suck, they're way random. They go from having a couple Death Gods play soccer against middle schoolers and the next thing you know, a couple more are helping out a pastry chef. Baking cakes. Playing soccer. What is wrong with these pictures?




Fucking ridiculous.

Also, I hate this guy's hair. He's from earlier episodes but I've just gotten done watching them. His hair makes me want to puke.

Bleh.

Bleach is walking a fine line with me... a very fine fucking line.

I love Bright Eyes so much. I think something in my soul or mind or heart finds solace in his voice (which people always criticize). Conor Oberst is so incredibly amazing! He just makes me so happy!

LOL

"It's a good thing that when you entered your number into my cell phone this morning before you left my place that you also put your name. I wouldn't have known it otherwise.

Oh and just for the record, when you kiss, I felt you were giving my face a tongue bath. A bit much ... you need to tone that down. I'm not going to call you."

First!

Second...

"what the hell is "and one fine morning"? It makes me laugh out loud. So hard. It reeks of him, which is partly why I find it so hilarious. There's more to it too which could have easily been disguised but seeing as I know him, I see right through all of it. I have seen his flaws recently; they've been glaring and now I know that perhaps I deserve someone different- not better per say just someone more deserving of all of my coolness. I like cool things therefore I need to find someone who also enjoys those cool things and then I'll be set!"
The problem is...

no one older likes anime! Scratch that. There are older people who like anime, yeah, they're like 40 and live in their mom's basements and practically eat, sleep, breathe the internet. Yeah it's great thinking you're finally talking to someone interesting and they turn out to be like, fifteen. Oh yeah. Excellent. Then you have to excuse yourself because you feel awkward, like umm is that dude from Dateline going to freak out and bust into my house or something? I swear that show is one step away from kicking in doors and busting those gross dudes right there. ::shudder:: I'm not that much older than they are but it still doesn't work.

So I'm stuck with nothing. I tried looking for friends on myspace but... umm... no. Sure there are other options like going to one of those anime conventions but I don't want someone who's like crazy obsessed with anime. I love it, for sure, I love it HARD. But in reality, there are other sweet things one can enjoy... I just don't want someone who is like the anime version of a music snob in the scene. Ugh. Those people make me want to


LOL.

We can't escape this hollow ride
painted black to calm our fear as walls and celings collapse over us.
Feel the chill throughout our breaths as thunder awakens in our chest.
These wings we ride failed us.

These wings we ride, they failed us.
We fall from midnight skies.
We pray on search lights to save us.
As the rain pours down.

Weight shifts.
The storm hits
pulls on damaged wings.

Weight shifts.
The storm hits
pulls on damaged wings.

Our pulse skips as we secure laced fingers.
Praying the tighter we grip
will save us from these broken wings

Today is better than the today of last week.

Real Eyes
Realize
Real Lies

::LOL::

"Your kind of truth, is just the ghost of your lies. I see through them, all the time."

::sigh::

I hope that suddenly, a black hole forms inside of his room and when he gets up to take a piss, he'll be eaten up by it and shit out somewhere far, far away from me.

"the problem with you is your mom gave birth and you were breathing" -- ouch.

Damn it I was doing so well.

How long shall I remain curious? How long will I feel the pangs of jealousy over the past and the now seemingly non-existent? Do I waver between these steps because I want to or because there is some greater purpose? Will there be some eventual use for all of this?

I wonder every night while I drift off to sleep, and even if it's subconsciously, I know it, I wonder, does he ever think of me? Is there nothing inside of him? Is it all just me? Are these feelings simple and contrived? Is it wrong for when he leaves that I hope he stays gone and that his memory will dissipate like air quite thin.

I wonder if there is anyone else who fills my genetic gaps so efficiently or if sentiments spoken were mere figments of my own mind? Will he remain up there or over there or any where but here? Must he linger several miles away, too close for comfort but too far to satisfy childish desires? Is he awful, full of nothing but mechanics, someone selfish & stubborn? Does vanity lurk around the corners of his mind? Are the standards set too high for someone like me or have mine sunk below? Is he everything I imagine? Some animated prince set up in flowing clothes with glimmering eyes set into furrowed brow? Nose strong and jaw set? Did anyone see this coming or was it just me?

Bleach filler episodes make me angry. It just started getting good again but no, oh no, we can't let us have a mere ten episodes run successively which are part of the natural story line! No!!! They're dragging it out and it's killing me.

I have a bunch of the old episodes that I'm just now getting around to watching, I think I'm on 87 or something and that filler I don't mind but that's only because I can just watch it straight through. Filler is like commercials. It's just a bunch of crap that distracts you from getting completely involved with the story which in turn aggravates you and makes you want to pout. I'm so impatient. I can't wait.

Meanwhile, I have no one IRL that I can talk to about Bleach. I don't know anyone who watches anime besides Chris and that makes me want to pout as well. It's hard because the people I can talk with vary in age so it's difficult to carry on any kind of substantial discourse with any of them.

There's an anime called Fruits Basket... that is so weird. What the fuck is that? Fruits. Basket. We'll see.

YouTube is my favorite forever.

California is coming up.

True friends write you cute little poems with funny jokes to make you laugh

JENNIFER LYNN
NO MORE CRYING EVER AGAIN
I HATE TO SEE YOU HURT
AND TEARS FALLING ALL THE WAY DOWN TO YOUR SHIRT
I SWEAR, WE'RE GOING TO FIND BETTER GUYS
ONES WHO LOVE AND CARE; NOT TELL LIES
YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS SONG
IT'S BY J.T. , WHO HAS A BIG SCHLONG!
THERE'S HOPE FOR A BETTER FUTURE JEN
I PROMISE, LIFE IS HAPPIER ANYWAY WITHOUT MEN!
I JUST HOPE AND PRAY THAT YOU CAN LOOK PAST HIM
YOU’RE BETTER THAN HIM AND YOU CAN GET BETTER ASK TIM
YOU'RE GORGEOUS AND DESERVE THE BEST
NOT ANY UGLY SHOES OR HAIRY CHEST
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART
DON'T GIVE UP, YOU MIGHT SHART
HAHA THAT WAS A JOKE
OH WE ARE SUCH FUNNY FOLK
ANYWAY HAVE A BETTER DAY
LOVE ALWAYS, NICOLAY

All I've ever wasted is love. Here we are, silent and broken again. You can't find the write words to say... there you go... why must you always pretend that I don't know what you're thinking.