After a week in Texas, I'm beginning to see the beauty of the city.
While not the most pedestrian friendly city, it is clean and lovely in
its own right: the architecture is breathtaking, both during the day
and at night. The city appears to have sprung up overnight -- it seems
that all of the highrises were built within the last ten years.
Everything is modern and glistening, sprawling and gorgeous. In all of
its superficial beauty, there is a bit left to be desired by someone as
down to earth as myself. But sometimes growing up means an acceptance
that we are possibly more materialistic than we'd like to admit. I feel
the pull of newness and of money; of all that can be accomplished with
these things but with the imperitive understanding that while none of
it will bring the entirety of happiness, it does facilitate comfort and
a certain kind of piece of mind. I do need to keep reality firmly in my
grasp though and understand that the excitement will wear off and I
will be alone; away from all that I know and all who I love. Two years
is short and long; it can go by in the blink of an eye but lots of
things can happen during a twenty four month period. I know that my
stresses and depression will follow me here but I also know what I can
do with my time: finish my degree, complete my CFE, be financially
stable enough to help my parents when they need it, and be able to fly
home at least once a month. So I'll see everyone twenty four times from
April 2012 to February 2014. From there I will be equipt with the
papers to market myself, the diploma to give me the confidence to
banish the fear of not being good enough to get a job anywhere I want.
All week I have battled back and fourth with moving here. I wonder if
my fear is motivating my desire to stick it out in Denver or if that is
the rational understanding that I know I will not be happy. With every
will to move to here I wonder if I'm being motivated purly by the
picture I've created out of excitement and expectation or if I truly am
growing up and realizing that this is a game changer, a career
excelorator, just another step on the path of where my life is leading
me. I do fear the lonliness and alienation I'll experience. And while I
love stars and always will, the Lone Star State may become the Lone
Heart state by this time next year....
Life is a risk. This is God coming to me and asking me make a wager and place my bet.
"Come to the edge, he said
They said: We are afraid.
Come to the edge, he said.
They came,
He pushed them,
and they flew."
~Guillaume Apollinaire
