I got an 86 on my last exam; it looks like I'll be passing with a B! How fabulous is that? What a great start. In retrospect it seems easy, but now I have to imagine the stress and time multiplied by four. I still have such a long road in front of me but I know I can accomplish anything at this point.
I read that being optimistic is helpful in more than one way. I've written before about how I want to be a "half glass full" type but apparently I'm too much of the "half assed" type to follow through with it. I'm going to try harder now. It's much more constructive to think that you're ok, you know, like "hey I'm not half bad!".
California was great... too much happened for me to write about. Also some of it is too personal. At any rate, it was a much needed escape that brought a lot of things to a clarity which I can't describe...
With that being said, and with this addition: I read about the physiological aspects that come into play as far as finding a boyfriend/ girlfriend are concerned. Actually I read a lot that has helped me figure some things out.
First of all, I must stop with this catastrophic thinking. Catastrophic thinking is when you blame yourself for something that happened because of an outside circumstance. I have been blaming myself for this break up when in reality, multiple factors came into play. And for all intents and purposes, he didn't technically break up with me. My reaction to his "I don't know" response was what closed the deal. There is nothing wrong with "me", nor is there anything wrong with "him", it is "us" who is dysfunctional.
Second, if I continue to allow this to frustrate me, I will continue on this path of poor mental health. The stress I am putting myself through is far more detrimental than me just letting him go.
Third, the only real reason why I'm having such a hard time letting him go is because of my physiological desires/ needs. He is the ideal mate or whatevs; he's driven and goal oriented, he's got money and a house, and he's terribly intelligent. It's something we've adapted throughout the years, this desire to be with someone settled and well rounded. I lost what my physiological self thought was perfect. Stupid physiological self.
Overall I'm feeling great and having a few new perspectives and some useful tips on thinking and dealing with stress, I feel like a brand new girl.
