Thursday, December 27, 2007

MaKenna Acosta

Rikki had her baby girl today!


MaKenna was born today, December 27th at 1:46 pm. She weighed six pounds, eight ounces and was nineteen inches long. Rikki was in labor for about fourteen hours but is doing fine. MaKenna has blue eyes (of course) and blonde hair. She is so John's baby. ; )


Congratulations to both Rikki and MaKenna!




Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Reeses Theif, Red Bull says Merry Christmas, and No more Mrs. Nice Jen

We got Christmas candy from management today. How did they know that I was in some serious need of caffeinated chocolate flavored candies? Brilliant! Apparently Ryan the Temp doesn’t care for Mr. Goodbar so he made me an offer: Goodbar for a peppermint patty. But as quickly as he grabbed up the foil wrapped chocolate, he put it back down and tried to steal a Reeses. Anyone who knows me at all knows that Reeses are my all time favorite. Don’t mess with the perfect marriage that is Reeses’ peanut butter with the so-so taste of Hershey’s chocolate. Don’t even go there with me. After a quick fight that Scott nearly had to break up, Ryan the Temp finally gave in and took the peppermint patty guy back. I won!

The girl who chews her tongue was offered a permanent position. I have to say that after many hours spent making fun of her, I have finally gotten sick of it and now I’m just nice.

“Jen is the sweetest somebody I know” is what Jason wrote on my board. Apparently Sam Haley would beg to differ (obviously not put as eloquently). She said something along the lines of “I would have to argue with that”. Please. I am by far one of the nicest people in this office, in this state, and on this planet. Anyone who thinks otherwise only feels that way because I do not care for them. Clarice could tell you there was a time when she thought I was mean. Again, that is only because I didn’t care to be around her. Sam Haley is an individual that I can’t even force myself to converse with, whether it’s about school (and her purchasing essays from an online site and submitting them as her own work) or, as she so properly coined, “butt warmers”, I have no patience to deal with someone who has such little intellect and nearly nothing to offer as far as decent, intriguing, back and forth conversations go. I bet if I brought up a simple subject like geography she would fail miserably. Angie suggested that perhaps Sam and an ex of mine would make a good couple but she immediately reneged and said that instead, they would be a hilarious couple to watch. Him with all of his brains but no common sense and no emotion, her without any brains and lack of tact… Laughing out loud… ferociously hard.

Tomorrow I will run Fassler. Oh Jesus help us all. I hope it never comes to that. I hope no one ever runs me, today, tomorrow, or years from now. Perhaps what he was trying to say was “Tomorrow I will ruin Fassler” in which case, there is no need because he already did! Thank god now all he is is another reminder of what not do, who not to date, and who to avoid like they are the fucking plague. Although the damage done is minimal at best, he still had some sort of an affect on me. Especially since I spent so much time doubting myself. But I feel brand new. I feel like I did long ago… before Aaron and Cory, before AJ and Ryan, before all of the boys whose hearts I’ve broken. And perhaps Mark was right, perhaps Dan was the giver of my karma. Every action has a consequence.

I’m going to another Buddhist meeting this Friday. Clarice is going to be leading the chanting so I’m excited for her. She’s nervous but I know she’ll do just fine and of course, she’s in good company.

Today is another giant Red Bull day. Ryan and I went to the gas station down the street. We have to drink them lukewarm. Yuck. Apparently they’re discontinuing the 16 ounce cans. I’m so sad.

I’m almost done with my shopping but I have to pick up some things this weekend. Merry fucking Christmas to me! I hate shopping. I hate Christmas. I hate all holidays in general. A poor excuse to boost the suffering economy and a way to say, “I love you so here’s a gift card. Now I don’t want to have to see you again until a year from today. God bless.” We always have to go to mass with Nana on Christmas Eve but I think I’ll skip it this year. I don’t consider myself a Catholic or a Christian so why go through the motions? Just to appease those around me? Pfffftt! No thank you.

After the holidays are over Larissa and I are going to go skiing with Ryan and Cris. We’re also planning a fun little ice skating day in Evergreen. All of the boys said they would come. I’m thinking some hot totties are in order before we don our skates! And of course there will be pictures! I’m thinking maybe we should invite Kate and one of her friends. I’m sure she and I have more in common besides the fact that we both love Ryan and there’s no reason why we shouldn’t make an attempt to be friends.

Now it’s time for work. And room temperature Red Bull. And dreams of Chipotle filling my hungry tummy.

I think I'm going to try harder to guard my heart this coming year. After all that has happened, I've learned only one thing: My heart is where my problems dwell.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A love song for Jesus



Boy you looked right through me, mmmhmm
Play it cool
But I knew you knew
That cupid hit me, mmm mmm
You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
So in love with you
Can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it
Can't breath
When you touch my sleeve,
Butterflies so crazy, mmm mmm
Whoa now, think I'm goin down
Friends don't know what’s with me, mmm mmm
You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
So in love with you
Can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it
You know, this isn't the first time this has happened to me
This love sick thing
I like serious relationships and
A girl like me don’t stay single for long
Cuz every time a boyfriend and I break up
My world is crushed and I'm all alone
The love bug crawls right back up and bites me and I'm back
Can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it
The girl can't help it
You got me trippin, stumbling, flippin, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
You got me slippin, tumbling, sinking, fumbling
Clumsy cuz I'm fallin in love
So in love with you
So in love with you
So in love with you

Monday, December 17, 2007

Laughing Out Loud at Ron

-----Original Message-----

From: J LoL
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 3:13 PM
To: Ron

Subject: Please

don't tell anyone how stupid I am.

Jennifer L.
Document Specialist
AML Compliance
720 XXX XXXX
Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail


From: Ron
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 3:19 PM
To: J LoL

Subject: RE: Please

haha, ok. you aren't stupid.

From: J LoL
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 3:28 PM
To: Ron
Subject: RE: Please


thank you. I really appreciate the fact that you'll keep my retardation a secret.

From: Ron
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 3:29 PM
To: J LoL
Subject: RE: Please


haha, no problem.

From: J LoL
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 3:31 PM
To: Ron
Subject: RE: Please


not that I think it's a secret. I'm pretty sure everyone is aware of it. I just don't want them knowing about this particular set of circumstances.

From: Ron
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 3:32 PM
To: J LoL

Subject: RE: Please

as long as they don't have the internet i think you are in the clear.


Thursday, December 13, 2007

"What the poet laments holds for the mathematician. That he writes his works with the blood of his heart."

Thank you.

A circle isn’t a circle at all. = God isn’t God at all.
My beautiful proof lies all in ruins.
“I must.”



S = k. log W Probability undermines certainty
While such certainty might seem desirable, the real world just isn’t like that

A timeless and perfect world is dead
The real world is alive precisely because it changes

Disorder and decay= entropy Boltzmann is the genius of disorder
Entropy shows why no system can be perfect, there must be some disorder
Entropy is what changes the ticking of the clock into the destroyer of all things.

Entropy is decay and with decay, nothing lasts forever.

...captured mortality in an equation.



What holds our ideas together when God is dead? Without God the pebble is dislodged and a landslide released, and WWII killed God.

When all else fails, hitch yourself to the back of someone else’s star

“Ten four Delta, your customer called back.”
My car died. Well not actually. But it did in the middle of Wadsworth while on my way to work on Tuesday. I had to pull over into the parking lot of an apartment complex and Nicole had to come and get me. I was forty five minutes late to work because of that debacle. My car is being fixed as we speak (hopefully).

Also, I’m supposed to get new tires. The ones I have are hardly effective in the snow here. I remember a day last year where I nearly rear-ended someone because my tires failed to grip the slushy white stuff. That almost ruined my Valentines Day!!!

LOLrissa has been taking me to work. I’ve been here since 6:45 and slowly (but surely) I’m getting tired. Time for more caffeine!

I’ve been reviewing the work of some new employees and my eyes feel like they’re about ready to fall out of my head. I hate having to review anything, especially because of Student X (see previous post).

I printed out a bunch of my poetry last night. I found a really great little picture to put on the front of these little books I’m making for people. Cheesy I know, and a bit self- righteous, but really, people have been bugging me for quite some time so I figured I would surprise them with a teeny book of poetry for Christmas. I made one for Mark last year and I think he liked it.

Speaking of… wow what a situation this has become. I’ve felt all out of sorts since our fight so I’ve been trying to make up with him but he’s just not having it. Random text messages indicate the norm: that he’s thinking of me just like so many others. Laugh Out Loud. But really it’s getting ridiculous. There are a few people on this planet that need to forget they ever knew me. I am dead to them. They know who they are. Granted no one reads this blog so saying these things here is fruitless but all the same, I like to get it off my chest. I like to pretend a lot of the time. I pretend that I’m standing face to face with one of these people and then I say out loud what I would really like to say to them. It’s very relieving but at the same point in time, it hurts. I don’t want to be mean them. I don’t want to make them hurt, even though they’ve made me hurt. That’s just not the way I’m wired. Sure I’ll say things, but I immediately regret them when I think of how the person feels. Sometimes I think I really am a bad person. Sometimes I wonder… I wonder how much like my father I really am…

But back to Mark. Well not for long. He told me yesterday that he doesn’t know me. That hurt. See, more hurt. I wish I had no feelings, you know? I really wish I had a different heart. I wish the stupid thing didn’t always open up for people so easily, so quickly. It’s bullshit really. Laughing out loud.

I stole a sip of Ryan’s Red Bull. Laughing (really hard) out loud. He’s jealous of my Devo cd. He wishes he had one too. : D
Breaking News:

-----Original Message-----
From: Ryan
Sent: Thursday, December 13, 2007 10:42 AM
To: Jennifer Lynn
Subject: :(

R.I.P. Jewbaru.

Wow. Am I sad? A little bit. I certainly feel his pain. Poor guy. I'll pray and chant for him to get a new car quickly.... a prayer to ease his stress.... a chant for his over all wellbeing. God I'm so nice.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

MOOOONEEEY!, A Thousand Words, Essays, and more

Money money money- MOOOONEEEY!

Work has been about the same; although things seem to have gotten better it only makes me wonder what will go wrong next. We have a new girl who chews on her tongue. Sometimes I wish I could do the same, it might save me some of the headache that my mouth brings about.

A weekend is worth a thousand words

I spent all weekend with my parents. It was so nice and relaxing to be home again, to smell my mother on my clothes and to wake to the sound of her voice. This is one of the small joys of living. Something so special but so easily taken for granted.

Essays for my esses who hate essays

School ended on a good but frustrating note. My English teacher was having me review some essays from other classes (because I am just that good). There was one I found particularly interesting (and this is where the frustrating part comes in). It was a letter to the editor in response to an op-ed column about the holidays. The essay itself was horrible. No plausible links from one paragraph to the next and while his idea was good, none of his arguments were logical. I had also wondered how his classmates would view him after they heard his essay. His introduction almost made it seem as if he didn’t like Jews and had some sort of irrational expectation that everyone should participate in Christmas. My theory was confirmed after I shared the essay with Larissa, my mother, my father, and a couple of other classmates. All agreed that after his introduction, they could focus on nothing else because they assumed they knew what the essay was going to be about. In the end, this fellow’s point was that all holiday traditions have lost their meaning which is what the actual op-ed article was about. It was extremely difficult giving feedback on such a thing especially because there is no right way to say, “Hey I think you’re painting yourself as a Hitler-esque Christmas lover.” I had to buckle down and suck it up. I phoned him and after what felt like hours of small talk, I had to break the news.

“As you know, Dr. Winograd is having me review the work completed by you and the other students in your class.”

“Uh huh” I pictured him silently nodding- a sign that he might know what was to come.

“Anyway, I read your essay and there are a few things that I wanted to critique you on…”

From there the conversation just went downhill. He was offended at the thought of offending anyone. He didn’t see his essay as something that might spark argument or feelings of anger. I attempted to persuade. There was no winning with him.

After much frustration and wonder, I told Dr. Winograd that I tried to help but to no avail. She comforted me with the fact that it’s still his essay, not mine. Dr. Winograd emailed me yesterday and told me how the presentations went. Sure enough, Student X kept his essay the way it was. And sure enough, someone was offended.

What I’ve learned from this:

That there may be a first amendment protecting our right to say whatever we please but that doesn’t necessarily mean that we should say it.

That many holiday traditions have lost their true meaning but one shouldn’t forget there are still people out there who abide by “old school rules”. There are still plenty of Christians who think of Christmas as Christ’s birthday. There are many Jewish folks who go through their Chanukah celebrations. There are even more Africans who participate in Kwanzaa the way that it should be. Sure there is still commercialism and selfishness, stress and disbelief at what can seem to be the worst time of the year.

So this year, I’m dreaming of a nice, quiet Christmas. I’m hoping for a calm and peaceful Chanukah. And I’m praying for a better, more fulfilling Kwanzaa. And maybe I’ll ask Santa to give the gift of tact to Student X.

The Theory

Ahh and of course there’s “The Theory”. The Theory is something that Clarice came up with (although I coined the term) which many of us have been testing. Here’s what it is:
You say something. You may not believe it but you say it. After saying it for so long, your brain will catch up and you’ll be convinced of it (whatever “it” may be). Mine is that I’m over it. Over all of it. Over my love for Dan. Over my need for Cory. Over my deepest desires to be BFFs with Ryan. Not only do I believe this, but now the second part of The Theory comes into play.
This part is:
Once you change your attitude towards those around you, they will in turn change their attitude towards you. The first piece of evidence for me:
Dan sent me a text. Sure there was nothing in it speaking volumes of how much he misses me. He doesn’t. But the point is that he still thinks of me. And perhaps the only reason he does is because now I don’t care. The second piece of evidence:
Ryan now visits my desk daily. He extends the invitation to come to his. No more Jen seeking out Ryan. No this time it’s different. I can’t ever replace Kate. I can’t be some sort of friend that I’m not meant to be. So I got over it. The third and final piece:
Cory texted me last night. Just a quick hello but all the same, he was reaching out none the less. And I kid you not, no more than twelve hours ago did I decided I was over it.
Larissa and Nicole have both tested this with outstanding results. Could it be that we’ve finally found a universal cure for all that ails us? Something for heartbreak, something to quiet loud thoughts, something to calm brewing seas of anxiety, and something to put us to sleep at night. More on The Theory is to come. As we test it of course.

Fin.

Cash Moves Everything

It's hard not being disappointed and wanting to just give up and find some easy solution to assuage this anxiety of unknowing. I can do ...