I've been wondering if I'm chanting for the wrong man
or if chanting for any man, is wrong
is there a contradiction to the truth
or is the truth a contradiction to reality
forgive me
I wonder if I should go home
and wash this dirty hair of mine
remove the smell
of the cold and of the breath
forgive me
as my eyes draw to a close
as I turn my face from yours
an attempt to shelter you from my disgust
that of which is evoked by that sinner's heart of yours
forgive me
while I slip away
melt away
blow away
carry me on the wind of your words
let me drizzle down window panes
slide under the door and dangle with skeletons
forgive me
while I break up
and out
and free
all I want is to be free
to not be afraid
for the son of my friend
or for my friend
or even for
the friends of my friend
cowering in the night
all of us separated
fearful and searching
for answers that will never come
forgive me
sleep soundly
death will linger in the door way
and will haunt your every step
it will whisper sweet nothings in your ear
but think of the life in the eyes of your last lover
and fall into her
forgive me
hide far from thieves who roam the avenues
sneaking in and out of shadows
plotting and planning, threatening
following the dust of your footprints
a single light will show
the courage of what losing is like
the lost companion of your soul
a loss for explanation
of where your strength has come from
forgive me
as we run together
from the men of this world who've come to clip our wings
who bathe us in their ideals and values
their ideas of gods and wars and oil dripping thick from the branches
dripping thick on our shoulders
forgive me
for speaking so clearly
so properly
and so poignantly
it's just like you taught me
I've done just as you've said
and now I've come to the end
of this winding road
to this empty conclusion
and I wonder
where the fuck have I been
and what did you ever really teach me anyway
and then I stop
I look around
my eyes wide in disbelief
as I hear all of these people while they speak
gospel spilling from their mouths
like blood
like the blood of my savior, and that of your savior, the savior of
all of our impure hideousness
this collective mass of a killing machine
collectively together, we breathe with hate and greed,
one bated only by some singular malfunction
a kink in the chain
forgive me
for ever questioning
or learning anything out of curiosity
forgive me
for every blasphemous word
that has ever left this filthy mouth of mine
forgive me
for wanting something better
for a quality that of which is quite attainable
forgive me
for caring unbiasedly
and for loving every last one of you
forgive me
for every linguistically manipulated sentence
for every time I've cursed your name
forgive me
for being so me
for being every little thing that I am
and for every fucking thing that I am not
forgive me
for me
and for the reasons that I fail
for I have failed
and will fail
until I have failed for one last time
and I will falter
and fall to the ground
in a position the same as my fathers
the dirt dark and cold
no where for anything that's left of me to go
forgive me
I will linger
and breathe in the earth
and question my choices
my morals, my mistakes
and every last eye that mine got to meet
under moon or starlight gazing distantly
as if our eyes could possibly reach
the horizon just beyond
flickering and dancing
ebbing and flowing
the way water tends to do
in rapid succession
splashing onto the tiny granules
smoothing all of their rough edges
the way I had hope to do with you
but something inside you has gone
and all that's left
is a far off sound
some percussion instrument pounding solemnly
lifelessly
pointlessly
the beating of a tone
deep underneath
it gets louder the farther we reach
as we strain every muscle
in desperate attempts
to grasp the ungettable nothingness
or to perhaps touch it too hastily
like that of broken glass
gleaming
and so mischievously
like children
we strain once again, one final time
until finally we find
we are touching the edge of the ocean
with our bare little finger tips
and as was foreseen
we breathed together just as in my dreams
I'll ask with one last begging plea
in my isolation
in the solitude that is myself
for all of my destruction
please
forgive me
or if chanting for any man, is wrong
is there a contradiction to the truth
or is the truth a contradiction to reality
forgive me
I wonder if I should go home
and wash this dirty hair of mine
remove the smell
of the cold and of the breath
forgive me
as my eyes draw to a close
as I turn my face from yours
an attempt to shelter you from my disgust
that of which is evoked by that sinner's heart of yours
forgive me
while I slip away
melt away
blow away
carry me on the wind of your words
let me drizzle down window panes
slide under the door and dangle with skeletons
forgive me
while I break up
and out
and free
all I want is to be free
to not be afraid
for the son of my friend
or for my friend
or even for
the friends of my friend
cowering in the night
all of us separated
fearful and searching
for answers that will never come
forgive me
sleep soundly
death will linger in the door way
and will haunt your every step
it will whisper sweet nothings in your ear
but think of the life in the eyes of your last lover
and fall into her
forgive me
hide far from thieves who roam the avenues
sneaking in and out of shadows
plotting and planning, threatening
following the dust of your footprints
a single light will show
the courage of what losing is like
the lost companion of your soul
a loss for explanation
of where your strength has come from
forgive me
as we run together
from the men of this world who've come to clip our wings
who bathe us in their ideals and values
their ideas of gods and wars and oil dripping thick from the branches
dripping thick on our shoulders
forgive me
for speaking so clearly
so properly
and so poignantly
it's just like you taught me
I've done just as you've said
and now I've come to the end
of this winding road
to this empty conclusion
and I wonder
where the fuck have I been
and what did you ever really teach me anyway
and then I stop
I look around
my eyes wide in disbelief
as I hear all of these people while they speak
gospel spilling from their mouths
like blood
like the blood of my savior, and that of your savior, the savior of
all of our impure hideousness
this collective mass of a killing machine
collectively together, we breathe with hate and greed,
one bated only by some singular malfunction
a kink in the chain
forgive me
for ever questioning
or learning anything out of curiosity
forgive me
for every blasphemous word
that has ever left this filthy mouth of mine
forgive me
for wanting something better
for a quality that of which is quite attainable
forgive me
for caring unbiasedly
and for loving every last one of you
forgive me
for every linguistically manipulated sentence
for every time I've cursed your name
forgive me
for being so me
for being every little thing that I am
and for every fucking thing that I am not
forgive me
for me
and for the reasons that I fail
for I have failed
and will fail
until I have failed for one last time
and I will falter
and fall to the ground
in a position the same as my fathers
the dirt dark and cold
no where for anything that's left of me to go
forgive me
I will linger
and breathe in the earth
and question my choices
my morals, my mistakes
and every last eye that mine got to meet
under moon or starlight gazing distantly
as if our eyes could possibly reach
the horizon just beyond
flickering and dancing
ebbing and flowing
the way water tends to do
in rapid succession
splashing onto the tiny granules
smoothing all of their rough edges
the way I had hope to do with you
but something inside you has gone
and all that's left
is a far off sound
some percussion instrument pounding solemnly
lifelessly
pointlessly
the beating of a tone
deep underneath
it gets louder the farther we reach
as we strain every muscle
in desperate attempts
to grasp the ungettable nothingness
or to perhaps touch it too hastily
like that of broken glass
gleaming
and so mischievously
like children
we strain once again, one final time
until finally we find
we are touching the edge of the ocean
with our bare little finger tips
and as was foreseen
we breathed together just as in my dreams
I'll ask with one last begging plea
in my isolation
in the solitude that is myself
for all of my destruction
please
forgive me
Title & photo courtesy (and copyright of course) of T. Reznor, http://ghosts.nin.com/
Words inspired by the music of T. Reznor and A. Ross
Words inspired by the music of T. Reznor and A. Ross
