It has been irrefutably proven that if you think positive thoughts, positive things will happen. This is the same with negative thoughts. You never actually think about how the world perceives you when you’re angry or sad, you’re so wrapped up in the feeling that it doesn’t even occur to you. Your brow is furrowed, you’re sporting an upside down smile for sure, and your shoulders are probably all slumped down much like that of the Creature. When you’re so happy you could explode, everyone notices. You’re all bouncy and shit, you’ve got that super happy smile going on; everything is good!
I have decided that to kick this weird sadness I’ve been feeling for Dan, I am going to be little miss super, duper happy pants from here on out. Sure I’ve tried this before but I always end up forgetting what I’m trying to accomplish. After you pull yourself out of the rut and things feel better, it becomes easy to forget what your initial goal was because at that moment things are fine. But I need to spend every moment, whether I’m sad or already as happy as Fridees make me, thinking the most positive, happy thoughts. Only then will I have that overall glass half full attitude. It needs to come naturally to me, but since it’s not in my genes, I’m going to have to force it!
I want to find other things I can spend my time on, things that will bring me that fulfilled feeling. And although I’d like to volunteer or something, I must keep in mind that school and work come first. School is getting ready to start and little Jenny Fassler has to be prepared. Put on her thinking cap and whatnot.
I still have this feeling like I am doing everything I do for the person I’m supposed to be with. I know that God knows me. I know that God knows that I know that he makes things happen for a reason, and that all of this heartache and pain I feel over Dan is necessary in the end. I can finally say that I can take something away from that relationship. I want someone like Dan, only he needs to have a touch of Cory, just a touch though, not too much or else he won’t be like Dan any more. He’ll need to wear a sliver of his heart on his sleeve. I need the intellectual part though because I need to learn something from him. Cory already taught me everything I need to know about music. Now look at me! I am a little music buff! With all of my awesome records and ability to dissect a song the first time I hear it. Man I kick ass!
What have I learned from Dan? I learned that rain, or precipitation, is formed when really hot, moist air hits really cold, dense air. So feasibly, it could rain from my mouth.
I also learned that I’m good at running and playing Frisbee.
Within myself, I learned that I can control my anger. Not completely, but to the extent where I’m not screaming and yelling.
I learned that I want someone just like Dan. It is unfortunate that things didn’t work out, but what am I going to do? Sit here and pine for him? I could do that and easily too! Actually that comes more naturally to me than picking myself up when I fall. I like to just sit there and feel sorry for myself because I don’t ever feel like anyone is going to feel sorry for me. But why the hell would I want that? I don’t want anyone’s sympathy. What I wish worked was when Dan would just tell me to just do something. He said it was so frustrating for him because it’s all of th, but I make it hard. And its so true! I would get all put out about school when I would think, “How am I going to pay for this?” He would say, “Student loans, financial aid, anything!” That’s the kind of attitude I had hoped to learn from him. I realize now that I was looking for him to rescue me much like Cory did. I wanted him to make me see that I am smart. But I can’t do that to people. I can’t expect anything from them. Nothing. And I’m not saying this with a VBA or anything. I’m saying it from a rational stand point. You will spend your entire life waiting for someone to do what you want them to, or become who you want them to become. OR you can accept them as they are, except the things that they do and the choices that they make and love them for it. I also came to realize that if Dan loved me, I would know I was finally good enough to be loved. Since I hold him in such a high regard, I couldn’t help but put tons of stock in his opinion. Silly girl. Yes, Dan is an amazing individual. He’s one of the best people I’ve ever known and he has such a huge, caring heart. But that doesn’t mean he’s better than me. Fuck, I’m better than most people I know! Dan wouldn’t have wasted his time on me if I was stupid or fat or ugly, etc. He holds himself in too high of a regard to settle for someone any less than what he thinks he deserves! At the same time, I have realized that I am way too good for him. He doesn’t deserve this heart of mine. He definitely does not deserve this hot body of mine!
I love that everything is so clear in retrospect. That is truly amazing.
**Final Thought**
I am fucking smart. I am fucking funny. I am a fucking stone cold fox for Christ’s sake! I can’t think of any guy in the world who wouldn’t want this with the exception of Daniel Larremore.
I have decided that to kick this weird sadness I’ve been feeling for Dan, I am going to be little miss super, duper happy pants from here on out. Sure I’ve tried this before but I always end up forgetting what I’m trying to accomplish. After you pull yourself out of the rut and things feel better, it becomes easy to forget what your initial goal was because at that moment things are fine. But I need to spend every moment, whether I’m sad or already as happy as Fridees make me, thinking the most positive, happy thoughts. Only then will I have that overall glass half full attitude. It needs to come naturally to me, but since it’s not in my genes, I’m going to have to force it!
I want to find other things I can spend my time on, things that will bring me that fulfilled feeling. And although I’d like to volunteer or something, I must keep in mind that school and work come first. School is getting ready to start and little Jenny Fassler has to be prepared. Put on her thinking cap and whatnot.
I still have this feeling like I am doing everything I do for the person I’m supposed to be with. I know that God knows me. I know that God knows that I know that he makes things happen for a reason, and that all of this heartache and pain I feel over Dan is necessary in the end. I can finally say that I can take something away from that relationship. I want someone like Dan, only he needs to have a touch of Cory, just a touch though, not too much or else he won’t be like Dan any more. He’ll need to wear a sliver of his heart on his sleeve. I need the intellectual part though because I need to learn something from him. Cory already taught me everything I need to know about music. Now look at me! I am a little music buff! With all of my awesome records and ability to dissect a song the first time I hear it. Man I kick ass!
What have I learned from Dan? I learned that rain, or precipitation, is formed when really hot, moist air hits really cold, dense air. So feasibly, it could rain from my mouth.
I also learned that I’m good at running and playing Frisbee.
Within myself, I learned that I can control my anger. Not completely, but to the extent where I’m not screaming and yelling.
I learned that I want someone just like Dan. It is unfortunate that things didn’t work out, but what am I going to do? Sit here and pine for him? I could do that and easily too! Actually that comes more naturally to me than picking myself up when I fall. I like to just sit there and feel sorry for myself because I don’t ever feel like anyone is going to feel sorry for me. But why the hell would I want that? I don’t want anyone’s sympathy. What I wish worked was when Dan would just tell me to just do something. He said it was so frustrating for him because it’s all of th, but I make it hard. And its so true! I would get all put out about school when I would think, “How am I going to pay for this?” He would say, “Student loans, financial aid, anything!” That’s the kind of attitude I had hoped to learn from him. I realize now that I was looking for him to rescue me much like Cory did. I wanted him to make me see that I am smart. But I can’t do that to people. I can’t expect anything from them. Nothing. And I’m not saying this with a VBA or anything. I’m saying it from a rational stand point. You will spend your entire life waiting for someone to do what you want them to, or become who you want them to become. OR you can accept them as they are, except the things that they do and the choices that they make and love them for it. I also came to realize that if Dan loved me, I would know I was finally good enough to be loved. Since I hold him in such a high regard, I couldn’t help but put tons of stock in his opinion. Silly girl. Yes, Dan is an amazing individual. He’s one of the best people I’ve ever known and he has such a huge, caring heart. But that doesn’t mean he’s better than me. Fuck, I’m better than most people I know! Dan wouldn’t have wasted his time on me if I was stupid or fat or ugly, etc. He holds himself in too high of a regard to settle for someone any less than what he thinks he deserves! At the same time, I have realized that I am way too good for him. He doesn’t deserve this heart of mine. He definitely does not deserve this hot body of mine!
I love that everything is so clear in retrospect. That is truly amazing.
**Final Thought**
I am fucking smart. I am fucking funny. I am a fucking stone cold fox for Christ’s sake! I can’t think of any guy in the world who wouldn’t want this with the exception of Daniel Larremore.
