I’m really tired and bored today. Here’s why:
Stress- I found out that the FAFSA application I submitted was for the fall semester, not summer. Had I known this earlier, I would have been able to fill out another one for the correct semester but payment is due today. I’m fucked.
Crying- Cried out of frustration because of school, cried because of Dan (aka the Asshole), cried because I thought today was Friday but it’s really only Thursday.
Anger- Kurt, an ex of mine, accused me of spreading some vicious rumors about him here at work. This would have been true last year but I haven’t done as much as even mention his name as of late.
I left work at 11:15 for lunch so I could try to relax. I called Kurt to straighten things out. We talked for a good half hour or so. I fixed the problem.
I sat in my car and contemplated my attitude yesterday. I was very passionate about perseverance, preaching it to whomever would listen. Today I felt like giving up. I felt like calling Dan and telling him to leave me alone. His constant attempts at conversation are killing me. His invites to hang out and watch anime are even worse. It’s so fucking hard to get over someone when they keep forcing themselves into your life. Sure we can be friends. Just not right now. The thought of him with another girl is excruciating. Would he want to hear about me and some guy?!? Anyway back to giving up. I envisioned myself graduating. I felt pride pulse through me. How could I give up when I’ve gotten this far. And I know that “this far” isn’t really far at all but for me, it’s a huge step in the right direction. Talking with Kurt also showed me how I’ve changed emotionally. My temper isn’t nearly as bad as it once was; again, it’s nothing spectacular but things are getting better. So I snapped myself out of it, wiped the tears from eyes, and went back into work.
I have a predicament.
For all intents and purposes, we’re going to call this person Johnny. So I kind of had a crush on Johnny once upon a time. Johnny didn’t seem interested so I gave up. Now Johnny is available, I’m available, so you’d think I would just swoop in there and grab him up right? No. Jen is too much of a sissy to do something bold like that. She doesn’t even know if Johnny likes her, although sometimes, with certain things he says or does, or things he notices about her that no one else notices, makes her think he might, MIGHT, be interested. Problem is that Johnny is friends with an ex of Jen’s (me. I like referring to myself in third person because it sounds fucking hilarious). Boys are always so loyal to their friends so I can see this being an issue. But I want Johnny! Or Johnny’s friend Bob. Bob is different than the ex and Johnny. Well they’re all different in their own right and if Jen could have it her way, she would combine all three of them to make the one perfect man for herself. But Jen can’t do that, she’s not a scientist and even if she were, there’s no way to actually do that. Jen had been faced with this choice before and she chose the wrong one. Jen has a lot of thinking to do…
**Final Thought**
Rap is so sweet. Actually, most of the “rap” they play on the radio is just plain hilarious. Ludacris is hilarious. Akon is hilarious but completely intolerable. Booba, a French rapper, is so badass. I love his songs. French is sweet anyway, but put that out there with an awesome beat behind it and you’re golden! Golden, son, golden.
